If you are given the opportunity to seek a new social direction, take it – and choose wisely. If this opportunity arose from rejection, disappointment or a personal mess-up, seize this camouflaged gift of redirection. Plant new seeds as you design a more bountiful garden. To truly succeed, it will take seven commitments:
- Be clear on what you want and don’t want. Start by listing seven characteristics that you don’t want in a friend or companion. Example: 1. Liar. Make the commitment never to lie, and when someone lies to you to, commit to not spending another moment of your cherished social time with that person. Then list the virtues you do want. Example: 1. Kindness. Make the commitment that you will be kind to yourself and others, and you will only spend your cherished social time with those who are kind.
- Stay away from negativity. You will become who you surround yourself with. Give yourself a break from those who seem to always see the worst in the world, and who are constantly failing; or perhaps choose to dwell on the failures rather than focus on the successes. And, yes, you also must be a positive being. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the pit of negativity. If you do, get up, get out, brush yourself off, smile, say something encouraging, point to something bright and follow it enthusiastically.
- Keep it simple. Stop replaying the past and stressing about the future. This is life, this is your life. You did not choose it, it chose you, so appreciate it. It’s really quite simple, yet we have a tendency to make it so very complicated. I had a feeling during a mediation that what I needed to heal in my life actually came from generations back. This discovery brought me to realize that I am not my ancestors, I can make new choices, I don’t have replay, repay nor relive the past over and over. What I can do is take the good and yes, the privileges that we all have been given in one form or another, realize we are loved and blessed and do better. Realize that whether you were told you need to heal from a past life or a childhood trauma, spirit or God or the universe actually just wants you to let it go because they LOVE you, it already happened (which is why it is called “past”) and they think you deserve to live in the present with joy.
- Live with joy. Open that closed little heart of yours and find joy.
- Be your own wingman. Become your own social advocate by listening to your gut and your body as if it were your friend. If you are tired or really don’t want to do something, you must learn to say no. If you don’t you are teaching yourself to get right back in that same ditch you were abandoned in that you finally crawled out of. Also, there is no greater truth than the fact that if you are not able to stay true to yourself in a partnership, you are not ready for one.
- Maintain integrity. Even though you know you are not perfect, don’t lower your bar. We have been programmed, on our journeys of self-discovery, to be accepting and forgive. In this we also turn blind eyes and forget who we really are.
- Go to new places. Get out and explore, and as you do listen to how you feel in certain places. Stop going to the same places where lie the same people that you no longer want to be around. Try parks, resorts, gyms, museums or restaurants. List seven new places you can go so that when you feel like heading back to past, you can redirect yourself into the future.
We all spend enough time during the work day or other obligations with a variety of people, when it comes to your blessed and often scarce true social time, be around those who behold the qualities you desire to see more of in yourself.